The Joke Assortment with Furballs

by Katherine Phelps
Copyright © 9 October 1995

a bear

Short Bear Stories

The evil, stepmother, queen bear looked deep within her magic mirror and chanted, "Bearish bearish, beary bear, who's the fairest bear in the lair."

The mirror's silver trembled as its voice boomed, "Of all the bears in the bear lair, Snow Bear is the fairest anywhere."

So the evil, stepmother, queen bear went out and ate her.

When Goldie Locks found the three bears' house, she whipped out her lockpicking set, unlocked the door and went waltzing in, thus demonstrating the appropriateness of her monicker. Her first stop was the kitchen where she found three untended bowls of porridge which she promptly scarfed down, then stuffed the silverware in her pockets. In the livingroom she bounced on all of the furniture and broke Baby Bear's chair, because she was so fat from eating other people's food. Tiring she went upstairs and tried all of the beds until she settled on Baby Bear's.

When the bears got home they found their house broken into, the porridge eaten, the silverware stolen, and the furniture damaged. Upon discovering Goldie Locks in Baby Bear's bed they ate her.

Captains James T. Kodiak and Jean-Luc Paw fly through endless space from star to star until they come to a previously unexplored planet. They beam down to its surface little knowing what to expect. Before long Captain Jean-Luc Paw has dug up an archeological treasure, an ancient hunny pot left by the Pooh race. Captain James T. Kodiak has instinctively found all of the female bear population and personally shagged each one.

Then the Furrengi turn up to spoil the fun, so Captains James T. Kodiak and Jean-Luc Paw eat them.

The wolf had already eaten grandmother. It now leered menacingly at the little girl holding a basket of goodies and dressed in a red cloak and hood. She looked like dessert to the wolf. Granny's bed clothes, which the wolf wore, only served to emphasize his powerful frame. Spots of moisture covered the gown as the wolf's tongue lolled over his large fangs and dripped with saliva.

Just then, a bear burst into the room and ate the wolf. And to be fair to the wolf, an endangered species after all, he ate the little girl as well. Peace reigned in the forest once more.