The Joke Assortment with Spring Surprise

by Katherine Phelps
Copyright © 9 August 1994

My First Joke

Papa Bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?"
Mama Bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?"
And Baby Bear said, *BURP!*

The Three Bears Revisited

Baby Bear said, "My porridge is too hot."
Mama Bear said, "My porridge is too cold."
And Papa Bear said, "Complain, complain, complain. And I haven't even served it yet!"

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look! The elephants are coming over the hill!"

Jokes My Grandfather Told Me

Why Johnny, your face is so dirty I can tell what you had for breakfast this morning. You had eggs, jam, milk...
Haha teacher, I fooled you. I had that last week.

A gum chewing child and a cud chewing cow,
They're the same, but different somehow.
Oh, I see it now.
It's the intelligent look on the face of the cow.

Q: What's the difference between a grape and an elephant.
A: A grape is purple and an elephant is grey.

(This one has got to be circa the 1920s)
A young man had a litter of puppies he wanted to take to a friend. Animals were strictly forbidden on the trolley, but it was his only means of transportation. So, he put the puppies in a picnic basket, covered it with a cloth and prayed that nothing would happen. He placed the basket on the overhead rack and sure enough during the trip one of the puppies piddled and the basket started dripping. The young man tried to ignore this embarassment as the tram conductor wandered his direction. The conductor then put his finger in the wet spot on top of the seat, licked his finger and said, "Mm, pickle juice."

Andrew's Mother's Favourite Joke

Why is a duck?
Because one of it's legs are both the same.
(I dunno, she's a strange lady)

Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look! Here come the grapes over the hill." Jane was colour blind.
(not as strange as I am, though)

Of Reggie and Uncle Winfred

One day Uncle Winfred, a crusty upper-crust Englishman, invited his American nephew, Reggie, on an African safari with him. Needless to say Reggie was thrilled and accepted immediately. On the safari as they were wandering through the jungle on the backs of their trusty elephants (all elephants are trusty, trust me), Uncle Winnie (as all of his close friends and relatives liked calling him) started jumping up and down in a most excited state.

"Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it!" Exclaimed Uncle Winnie.

"No, no I didn't," replied Reggie in distress.

"It was the most stunning Blue-tailed Yak I have ever seen," said Uncle Winnie.

Reggie was very disappointed at having missed seeing such a magnificent creature, but thought, "that's all right, I'm bound to see other interesting animals." So they rode on and soon enough Uncle Winnie once more began bouncing up and down agitatedly.

"Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it!"

"No, no I didn't," said Reggie.

"It was the most stunning three-horned rhinoceros I have ever seen."

"Darn, I missed it again," thought Reggie, "But I'll keep my eyes peeled and do better next time. However, next time came around and caught Reggie rummaging through his supplies when Uncle Winnie called out.

"Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it! It was the most stunning striped cheetah I have ever seen."

"No, I didn't. I missed it again," said Reggie quite dejectedly. "Next time," thought Reggie, "next time, I will say I saw it whether I did or not." Well, the jungle became thicker and more impenetrable. At one point they had to leave their elephants behind in order to continue the trek. As they pushed their way through the dense foliage (all foliage is pretty stupid) on foot, Uncle Winnie began waving his arms and calling out, "Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it!"

"Yes, yes, I saw it! I saw it Uncle Winnie," Reggie called back with glee.

"And you stepped in it anyway!"